Loyal & True

Mon cœur pleure ton absence, et cela depuis bien trop longtemps. Tu sais je redoutais ce jour et il est arrivé. J'avais mal. C'est vrai. Pourquoi tant de distances... J'entends toujours ta voix à travers mes pensées, je revois ton visage, ton sourire... Cela me manque. Nous sommes tous à la recherche d'une personne unique et tu es cette personne, si attachante... Où que tu sois, tant que tu es heureux, moi ça me va. Je n'en demande pas plus.

Nous ne comprenons pas toujours pourquoi notre vie est faite ainsi, nous nous posons mille et une question et nous savons pertinemment que nous n'aurons jamais les réponses. Pourquoi ne pas vivre notre vie au jour le jour ? Pourquoi tant de haines aujourd'hui? Qu'ai-je fais, que m'arrive t-il donc ? J'en veux à toutes ces personnes, j'ai tant de haine, je suis si énervée, j'ai tout brisé et je ne peux recoller les morceaux. Une partie de ma vie s'est envolée, je ne sais même plus ou j'en suis et je suis si différente. Je ne sais même plus ce qu'il me fait plaisir, je ne sais même plus où j'ai envie d'aller, je ne sais plus qui je suis. J'ai tant besoin d'aide... Quand je repense à tous ces moments j'ai la désagréable impression que tous ces souvenirs magiques ne pourront plus jamais être vécu, et cela confirme que le bonheur de peut être qu'éphémère. Je suis tombée et je n'arrive plus à me relever, j'ai besoin d'aide mais je ne veux pas l'avouer. J'ai bien trop de fierté et pourtant je suis tombée bien trop bas. Ma vie est exaspérante et je suis la seule à la rendre comme cela comme je suis à pouvoir tout changer. Ce n'est pas de sa faute. C'est entièrement la mienne et je le sais très bien. J'ai toujours envie de changer mais je ne sais plus qui je suis.

Love Generation.

What's wrong with me? I've got everything a girl could want, and yet I'm just so miserable!

I'm 19 and I have everything a girl could want, money, I am an heiress, a prestigious, challenging and fulfilling job, a wonderful boyfriend whom I love, a loving, supportive family and a wide and varied circle of friends. Oh, and I am also unequivocally beautiful.

So why do I feel listless? I'm gaining weight. After four years of social smoking I have become a solid nicotine addict in the past year, needing a cigarette at the start of every day. My work is great from any rational perspective my work, yet I find myself constantly anxious about it and am having a hard time focusing on my current tasks. I find fault constantly with my sister and other family and friends. In fact, sometimes the people I love most seem so flawed I wish I could erase them from my life, like on a whiteboard, and start again.

I’m looking stars but she refuses to shine
I’m seeing you but you left me and I’ve been cried
I don’t want to be afraid …
Without you my heart stop to beat, I’m scared

I can’t believe that I can’t have many dreams
I’ve been realized that I wasn’t this girl anymore
I have an Hope sometimes
And I’ve seen the light shine in your eyes

It was like shadow into my hopes into my dreams
You’re this sunshine who give light in this fairy tale

It’s like an angel who bright me each days
Many stars which light up everyday in the sky
Without reason to cry
I wish break with the past, and carry on with you

You’re the reason who stretch me to believe in my dreams
All I want it’s you’re not concerned again
I only need you honey
As you’ll here, you know, you’re in my heart

It was like shadow into my hopes into my dreams
You’re this sunshine who give light in this fairy tale
And I know I can open my heart
With my hopes, I will believe more and more…

There are moments I’d like to be in your arms
Falling asleep, feeling your breath upon my skin
I need you help me…
I don’t want you’re far away anymore…

It was like shadow into my hopes into my dreams
You’re this sunshine who give light in this fairy tale
And I know I can love you again
I hope you will tell me what to do
And if you help me to fly away
You’ll know I’ll be there for you until the end…

Angels exist but sometimes they haven't got wings... so we call them "friends"

L'avenir se fait sentir et le renouveau est à venir, je croise les doigts pour que de mes rêves, je puisse vivre. Encore quelques mois a tenir pour qu'enfin libre, je puisse devenir. Une vie tant espérée et redoutée. Seule dans une grande ville je vais finir, pour construire en solitaire mon utopique avenir.

"There's a girl living under her skin... She says she loves girls."

L'HUMANITE SOUFFRE ET JE SOUFFRE AVEC ELLE.

L'humanité souffre. Le monde est une vaste plaine après un carnage, jonchée d'agonisant qui râlent et qui se tordent. Les hommes, les "gens" déambulent anonymes, et dissimulent une plaie béante sous leurs air impassible...

Le bonheur... L'homme n'en entrevoit que les apparences, celles qu'essaient de lui donner le voisin. Mais n'enragez pas du bonheur du voisin. Il est pédophile, héroïnomane et schizophrène. Et par dessus tout il enrage de l'image d'harmonie absolue que vous et votre famille lui offrez en permanence. Il ignore que votre femme vous bat, que vos enfants ne sont pas de vous.

Le bonheur est une illusion d'optique, deux miroirs qui s'entrevoient la même image a l'infini. N'essayez pas de remonter a l'image d'origine, il n'y en a pas. Ne dites pas que le bonheur est éphémère. Le bonheur n'est pas éphémère. Le sentiment ressenti et pris pour le bonheur quand on est amoureux, quand on a réussi quelque chose, c'est le surcis avant de comprendre l'erreur: l'être aimé ne ressemble a rien, ce que vous avez réussi ne rime a rien. Cela ne vous rend pas malheureux, mais conscient. Le bonheur ne se finit pas, il se rectifie.

"Alors oui, allons nous gaver d'amour jusqu'à en creuver"

Toutes les fois que je déprime en voyant ce qu'il se passe dans le monde, je pense à la zone d'arrivée des passagers de l'aéroport de Londres. De l'avis général, nous vivons dans un monde de haine et de cupidité. Je ne suis pas d'accord. J'ai plutôt le sentiment que l'amour est présent partout. Il n'y a pas toujours de quoi en écrire un roman, mais il est bien là. Père et fils, mère et fille, mari et femme, copains, copines, vieux amis.. Quand les deux avions ont frappé les tours jumelles, à ma connaissance, aucun des appels téléphoniques de ces gens qui allaient mourir ne contenaient de message de haine ou de vengeance. C'étaient tous des messages d'amour. Si vous cherchez bien, j'ai la désagréable impression que vous constaterez qu'en définitive nous sommes cernés par l'amour."

Don't Keep me WAITING

Nous sommes tous à la recherche
De cette personne unique,
Qui nous apportera
Ce qui manque a notre vie.

Et si on ne parvient pas à la trouver
On n'a plus qu'a prier,
Pour que ce soit elle qui nous trouve...

The Whym Of ART. HOLSTAD on Sunday

L'art conceptuel remet-il en cause le partage entre art, technique et théorie ?

Lawfully.

Fascinée par l'inconnu. Qui n'a jamais, poussé par un sentiment de découverte, rêvé de tout plaquer, tout abandonner. Etudes, Familles, Habitudes tout n'est finalement qu'éphémère, provisoire. Une promesse, un jour faite, m'obligerait à vivre des expériences nouvelles, des choses inouies, des aventures inoubliables. J'ai bientot 20 ans et dans le fond, rien de tout cela n'a été respecté. On ne peut pas changer notre passé mais faisons des années à venir, les plus belles de notre vie. Bouleversons, pour quelques temps, un futur déjà tout tracé.

NothingElse...

Céline
You're getting older
Your journey's been
Etched on your skin

Céline
Wish I had know that
What seemed so strong
Has been and gone

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we'd both stay out 'til the morning light
And we sang "Forever."
And though time comes by
I will always be to Bauduen with you in 2007
Singing "Sexy love."

Céline
Wish I was sober
So I could see clearly now
The rain has gone

Céline
I guess it's over
My memory plays our tune
The same old song...

Enemy.

Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you. In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely no where! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, further more you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future.

Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look....fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl.

But I am about to change all that. I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurred together as one. I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount the calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you.

Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything...if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must not know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down.

Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out, lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self control, you are going to get fat.

When it is over you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain! Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen? Who cares!! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself.

Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and loneliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please. I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have created you, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way.

Sincerely,

A.

Le recommencement.

Je pense que le moment est venu de vous dire ce que j'ai appris, d'en tirer une conclusion, non ? Et bien ma conclusion c'est que la haine est une saloperie ! La vie est trop courte pour passer son temps à avoir la haine ! Ça n'en vaut pas la peine. Derek dit toujours que c'est bien de terminer un devoir par une citation, il dit que quelqu'un a déjà dû en faire une bonne, si on ne peut pas faire mieux, autant la lui emprunter carrément ! J'ai choisi celle-là et j'espère qu'elle vous plaira :

Nous ne sommes pas ennemis, mais amis ! Nous ne devons pas être ennemis. Même si la passion nous déchire, elle ne doit pas briser l'affection qui nous lie. Les cordes sensibles de la mémoire vibreront dès qu'on les touchera, elles raisonneront au contact de ce qu'il y a de meilleur en nous.